AHHHHHH

So school started this past Tuesday! I thought i would be excited to be back in classes, however, i am feeling a bit frazzled. These are the normal emotions for me the first few weeks of class. It takes me a while to get back into the swing of things. The class I'm taking is Introduction to nursing. When i heard it was only a one credit class I thought, wow, I'm going to be on easy street this semester. But... when i got my book i was apparently mistaken. We are responsible for far more material than i anticipated. Since i will be working this semester, I will have to master time management, which up until now I have always struggled with. I'm sure I will be fine once i get myself into a routine. But for all you prayer warriors out there, shoot a few up for me will ya!

What Depth Is Acceptable?

Ever wonder just how deep to carry a conversation? Ever leave a conversation feeling like you deceived someone into thinking everything in your life is just peachy, while all along you are struggling with numerous untold issues? I'm not painting the picture of my life here or anything, just simply raising the question, how deep is deep enough? I've heard people say they have their few faithful friends with whom they bear their souls. I've heard other people blatantly state, they simply do not struggle! While others, in which category I at times regretfully place myself, live quite transparent lives, sharing levels of their hearts with others they wish they could reseal at times. I am not always in this category, for at times I find my self confortably reverting back to my "faithful few". If something troublesome is taking place in my life I have trouble concealing it. I feel as though if i do not share the truth of my life, heart, and soul, I am not only lying to myself, but deceiving others into thinking I'm doing great. I am not at all saying my life is a continuous source of pain or discouragement, however, is it not possible to be thankful for all the blessings in ones life yet feel the pangs of emptiness? Is it not possible to functionally walk through life, at times with great faith, yet even victory over sin and temptation and still be aware of the sin that remains in ones own heart and life? Is it not possible to be leaning on the everlasting promises of God and still feel the very real presense of doubt and unbelief regarding our current struggle or situation? I understand the concept of protecting our hearts and guarding ourselves from unnecessary hurt as the result of someone reacting inappropriately to something we share about ourselves, however, I think much can be gleaned by a person who is honest about their life trials and personal struggles. Who among us is ever perfect? Who among us can readily say they are without some type of struggle or defect? I not only share my hurts and struggles to ease my own conscience, but believe that through my transparent lifestyle, others may be inspired to do the same. I have learned through past experiences that people are encouraged greatly to know they are not alone in their hurt. We may not always know what to say to make a person feel better, but the ability to empathize with another, and genuinely feel compassion towards him or her, seeing life through their eyes for a brief moment is a gift. A gift posessed by the giver, and a gift bestoed upon the receiver.

CANT SLEEP

I can't sleep tonight and i am missing my once upon a time online friends! We used to spend time together on nights like tonight. I could always depend on "someone" being near via the computer on nights when falling asleep was difficult. I'm thinking we've all moved forward into different directions. Those times seem so far and few in between.
~So... I cant' sleep. Could be all the allergy medicine i consumed today to avoid that head cold that seemed to be creeping up on me. Could be all the crazy info i heard concerning my dad this evening. Could be the fact that work starts a little later for me these days and I'm seizing the free moment to clear my head by writing on this blog.... Or, it could be all the above! Regardless, I'm here, sitting in front of this computer screen wishing someone was around to shoot the breeze with. So, I'll just do a little shout out to my long lost online crew! Angie, Anita, Nicole, i miss you guys!

Sometimes it is so difficult to live in "the moment". At times throughout my life, distractions, dreams, planning, worry, etc. have drawn my attention away from the beautiful things taking place in my life. Hopes for the future have distracted my attention away from the already fulfilled hopes and dreams of today. I firmly believe goals are necessary, however, not at the cost of loosing sight of our present blessings. Sometimes i don't think we even realize what is happening, all we are aware of is that somehow our joy is missing. An example of this kind of situation: A person wants so desperately to get married. Instead of enjoying the life they have, a life filled with friends, a career, freedom, ministry opportunities, they are consumed with the dream and desire to become married. Marriage in and of itself is not bad, however, when that dream becomes our main focus, we can become incontinent in our present situation, missing out on the blessings God has for us currently. I have noticed this taking place in my own life at times regarding having a family. I want so badly to experience pregnancy, motherhood, and parenting. sometimes i miss the blessings of today. I have a wonderful husband, more than adequate time to build my relationship with God, family, friends etc. Nick and I together have the time to dive into ministry. We even have the opportunity to serve in short term missions if we plan properly. Sometimes when we become distracted by what we think is missing in our lives, we become less thankful, less content, resulting in a loss of joy and an ineffectiveness for God! Today I strive to see all God has richly blessed me with. I want to seize each moment to be used by Him. I do not want to approach a ripe age, looking back and see only missed opportunities and wasted time. I want to approach the throne of Grace hearing, well done my good and faithful servent!

A Dream Come True!!

I'm beginning to get excited about our new plan! Nick and I have decided to go ahead with IVF in December of 08! Realizing that's only a little over a year away, I'm a little excited. This past year has flown by, so I'm sure this year will do the same. It makes me a little nervous however, because we all know just because something is planned, does not necessarily mean it will come to pass. I also have some concerns about the possibility that the treatment will not take, leaving us without child and our savings account somewhat drained. Just some of the thoughts that run through my mind from time to time. I know and believe God most likely desires to give us a family, so weather through IVF, domestic adoption, or international adoption, that dream will come to pass. Oh how I long for that day!!!!

Whats New You Say?

Getting ready for school to begin. I've very excited to get back to the books! I miss learning, studying, and the feelings of accomplishment that accompany doing well on tests and assignments. I know the next two semesters will fly by, and before I know it I will only have two more semesters left until I receive my degree! That's a good feeling!
~ Soon work will begin to slow down for both nick and I and we will have a lot more time together. Projects around the house that were put on hold will hopefully see completion, oh happy day=).... Christmas is just around the corner, about five months to be exact. I love decorating for Christmas!

Getting in shape.....

For those of you who know me well are aware of my constant struggle to either get, or stay fit! That's right folks, its my thorn in the flesh to say the least. Good intentions and half hearted attempts recently have left me, um, nowhere.... Nick and i have talked quite a bit about our desire to build our family and It seems we are leaning towards IVF sometime in the almost near future, as vague as that sounds. Probably fall of 08, which leaves me with a little over a year to get my weight down, and my body fit. I have succeeded in the past to keep my weight down but as i said above, it does not come easy to me. So, this is my prayer request, that everyone who reads this blog would be a prayer warrior for me in this area. Pray that God would help me in this area so that my body would be prepared to house a little bumble with no complications! If this sounds crazy to you all, I'm sorry, but... I'm a crazy girl i guess :)
Thanks a billion