Our God Is So Good!

This year has been a bit crazy! From infertility issues to failed adoption plans and everything else in between! I have to say our God is awesome! It amazes me how each time I am faced with a new hurt of challenge and I feel there is no way things could be better, God turns those situations around and I come out of that trial more refined. God is awesome! I wonder how those who reject him are able to make it through this life.
I'm not at all saying that life is easy because I know God personally. You could ask any one of God's children and they would tell you that even though they have a personal relationship with God, they have faced many hardships in this life. But, because we know God, we are able to not only get through those tough times victoriously, but when all is said and done, we are stronger and closer to God as a result. I defiantly have not arrived at the place where I welcome trials, however, I am getting to the place in my life where I recognize Gods hand in my life and I believe no matter what I go through, He will walk with me through those times and I will be ok.

What's New??

Well, lots going on here on the Di Mario front! I got my final grade for my nursing 101 class, and I ended up with a 98% in the class, which is a 4.0.
Very happy about that I must admit!
~ We are almost to the point where we will be signing our lease for our store! We are very excited, and a little nervous. It's going to be a roller coaster ride to say the least, but I think it's going to be an awesome experience.

Finished the Fianl!!!!!!!

K, took my final about ten minutes ago! I think i did pretty well, but ya never know! Good thing I kept my grades high up til the end, ya know, a little safety net in case i bomb the final! Anywho, it's over... whewww...

Well, I turned 31 on October 11th. I really don't feel any different, except for the few extra pounds i put back on due to all the birthday cake and snacking! Oh well, back to the drawling board!
School is winding down. I take my final tomorrow, and then i have a little break until Oct. 30th. Wheww... one more class down!

Recap of my week so far.....

Last night was our first night back helping out with the children's ministry at our church. It was fun seeing the kids again. Nick did awesome leading games for our group, and book time went well. IT was a little hard on the way there because i was grumpy rushing from work to the church. Thankfully there is someone there on Wednesdays who prepares dinner for everyone! Whew... no cooking and cleaning up, yay!
~School is going well! I can honestly say, this semester is a breeze compared to earlier ones. I so hope the courses remain easy and fun throughout the duration of the program. That may just be wishful thinking on my part!
~Work is going well. Things are beginning to slow down, but thankfully the days are not dragging for me!
~Just thought i would let ya view my life this week.. the short version... main points highlighted!

just a blurp.....

Sunday was a rocky day for me emotionally. Totally unplanned I might add. Nick and I arose early Sunday morning, had coffee, and headed out the door for church. I'm teaching Sunday school again, first grade through third, so it's pretty fun for me. After church we had a gathering at out pastors house. The group consisted of several young married couples. "Young" referring to every one's age, not their relational status. Everyone has children. Nick and I are the only ones without children. Most of the time my mind tends to briefly gravitate towards the dream of having a family of our own, but I quickly bounce back, realizing it's just not time yet. But Sunday, my heart grew heavy. The group was brought together this past sunday so the pastors could gain insight and feedback as to how the church can better minister to young families and couples in our church and community. We used to meet as a group two Sundays a month and view a marriage video followed by a discussion. We also had several fun fellowships together as a group. The focus was always on our marriages. The children would obviously come up, and were always present at the different functions, but the purpose of the group was never mainly the children. This time around the conversation was all about the kids. I understand that children are a huge part of our lives, and that once you have kids, your world tends to revolve around them. I just felt discouraged because instead of seeking to grow our individual lives and relationships through this ministry, it seemed like everyone was more interested in a play group type of group, or a growing kids Gods way class. Don't get me wrong, i do think nick and i would benefit from taking a class to learn how to rear our children, but its just hard at times because we haven't been blessed with a child yet. The the focus turned towards us at one point when someone asks,"how can we better serve the couples in our community who do not have children"? Then someone says, "i do hope you two don't feel left out", or something along those lines.... Well of course we feel left out at times, hello! Its no ones fault we feel left out, we just are not the norm for our age bracket. All this griping to say, sometimes its just so hard....

I agree......How sad...

Sometimes It seems as though struggles and difficult situations show who your true friends are. One of my friends recently posted on their blog how she has felt left high and dry by friends at times when she is going through a tough time. I have to admit i have felt the same way. I think a lot of people are willing to be your friend as long as times are good, and you are capable of making them happy and secure. As long as your their listening ear, they are just peachy, but when the tables are turned and you are bogged down my a sudden woe, or undesirable circumstances, they flee. How sad... Don't people realize there is more of a blessing being the listening ear? Don't they realize great encouragement comes to the heart that helps bear someones burden? I have been brought so much joy just by walking along side some of my close friends while they were going through very troublesome waters in their lives. I also think its difficult for many people to listen to a persons trouble without passing judgement. They immediately feel like they can't relate, therefore they are unable to be an encouragement. Hello, what about empathy? Where is the compassion? Again, i feel for my friend, and I do hope she feels like I am always here for her. If you are reading this post, please know that although my world may not be perfect, I am always here for you, to encourage you and build you up. To lift you up in prayer. To be that listening ear or sounding board.

AHHHHHH

So school started this past Tuesday! I thought i would be excited to be back in classes, however, i am feeling a bit frazzled. These are the normal emotions for me the first few weeks of class. It takes me a while to get back into the swing of things. The class I'm taking is Introduction to nursing. When i heard it was only a one credit class I thought, wow, I'm going to be on easy street this semester. But... when i got my book i was apparently mistaken. We are responsible for far more material than i anticipated. Since i will be working this semester, I will have to master time management, which up until now I have always struggled with. I'm sure I will be fine once i get myself into a routine. But for all you prayer warriors out there, shoot a few up for me will ya!

What Depth Is Acceptable?

Ever wonder just how deep to carry a conversation? Ever leave a conversation feeling like you deceived someone into thinking everything in your life is just peachy, while all along you are struggling with numerous untold issues? I'm not painting the picture of my life here or anything, just simply raising the question, how deep is deep enough? I've heard people say they have their few faithful friends with whom they bear their souls. I've heard other people blatantly state, they simply do not struggle! While others, in which category I at times regretfully place myself, live quite transparent lives, sharing levels of their hearts with others they wish they could reseal at times. I am not always in this category, for at times I find my self confortably reverting back to my "faithful few". If something troublesome is taking place in my life I have trouble concealing it. I feel as though if i do not share the truth of my life, heart, and soul, I am not only lying to myself, but deceiving others into thinking I'm doing great. I am not at all saying my life is a continuous source of pain or discouragement, however, is it not possible to be thankful for all the blessings in ones life yet feel the pangs of emptiness? Is it not possible to functionally walk through life, at times with great faith, yet even victory over sin and temptation and still be aware of the sin that remains in ones own heart and life? Is it not possible to be leaning on the everlasting promises of God and still feel the very real presense of doubt and unbelief regarding our current struggle or situation? I understand the concept of protecting our hearts and guarding ourselves from unnecessary hurt as the result of someone reacting inappropriately to something we share about ourselves, however, I think much can be gleaned by a person who is honest about their life trials and personal struggles. Who among us is ever perfect? Who among us can readily say they are without some type of struggle or defect? I not only share my hurts and struggles to ease my own conscience, but believe that through my transparent lifestyle, others may be inspired to do the same. I have learned through past experiences that people are encouraged greatly to know they are not alone in their hurt. We may not always know what to say to make a person feel better, but the ability to empathize with another, and genuinely feel compassion towards him or her, seeing life through their eyes for a brief moment is a gift. A gift posessed by the giver, and a gift bestoed upon the receiver.

CANT SLEEP

I can't sleep tonight and i am missing my once upon a time online friends! We used to spend time together on nights like tonight. I could always depend on "someone" being near via the computer on nights when falling asleep was difficult. I'm thinking we've all moved forward into different directions. Those times seem so far and few in between.
~So... I cant' sleep. Could be all the allergy medicine i consumed today to avoid that head cold that seemed to be creeping up on me. Could be all the crazy info i heard concerning my dad this evening. Could be the fact that work starts a little later for me these days and I'm seizing the free moment to clear my head by writing on this blog.... Or, it could be all the above! Regardless, I'm here, sitting in front of this computer screen wishing someone was around to shoot the breeze with. So, I'll just do a little shout out to my long lost online crew! Angie, Anita, Nicole, i miss you guys!

Sometimes it is so difficult to live in "the moment". At times throughout my life, distractions, dreams, planning, worry, etc. have drawn my attention away from the beautiful things taking place in my life. Hopes for the future have distracted my attention away from the already fulfilled hopes and dreams of today. I firmly believe goals are necessary, however, not at the cost of loosing sight of our present blessings. Sometimes i don't think we even realize what is happening, all we are aware of is that somehow our joy is missing. An example of this kind of situation: A person wants so desperately to get married. Instead of enjoying the life they have, a life filled with friends, a career, freedom, ministry opportunities, they are consumed with the dream and desire to become married. Marriage in and of itself is not bad, however, when that dream becomes our main focus, we can become incontinent in our present situation, missing out on the blessings God has for us currently. I have noticed this taking place in my own life at times regarding having a family. I want so badly to experience pregnancy, motherhood, and parenting. sometimes i miss the blessings of today. I have a wonderful husband, more than adequate time to build my relationship with God, family, friends etc. Nick and I together have the time to dive into ministry. We even have the opportunity to serve in short term missions if we plan properly. Sometimes when we become distracted by what we think is missing in our lives, we become less thankful, less content, resulting in a loss of joy and an ineffectiveness for God! Today I strive to see all God has richly blessed me with. I want to seize each moment to be used by Him. I do not want to approach a ripe age, looking back and see only missed opportunities and wasted time. I want to approach the throne of Grace hearing, well done my good and faithful servent!

A Dream Come True!!

I'm beginning to get excited about our new plan! Nick and I have decided to go ahead with IVF in December of 08! Realizing that's only a little over a year away, I'm a little excited. This past year has flown by, so I'm sure this year will do the same. It makes me a little nervous however, because we all know just because something is planned, does not necessarily mean it will come to pass. I also have some concerns about the possibility that the treatment will not take, leaving us without child and our savings account somewhat drained. Just some of the thoughts that run through my mind from time to time. I know and believe God most likely desires to give us a family, so weather through IVF, domestic adoption, or international adoption, that dream will come to pass. Oh how I long for that day!!!!

Whats New You Say?

Getting ready for school to begin. I've very excited to get back to the books! I miss learning, studying, and the feelings of accomplishment that accompany doing well on tests and assignments. I know the next two semesters will fly by, and before I know it I will only have two more semesters left until I receive my degree! That's a good feeling!
~ Soon work will begin to slow down for both nick and I and we will have a lot more time together. Projects around the house that were put on hold will hopefully see completion, oh happy day=).... Christmas is just around the corner, about five months to be exact. I love decorating for Christmas!

Getting in shape.....

For those of you who know me well are aware of my constant struggle to either get, or stay fit! That's right folks, its my thorn in the flesh to say the least. Good intentions and half hearted attempts recently have left me, um, nowhere.... Nick and i have talked quite a bit about our desire to build our family and It seems we are leaning towards IVF sometime in the almost near future, as vague as that sounds. Probably fall of 08, which leaves me with a little over a year to get my weight down, and my body fit. I have succeeded in the past to keep my weight down but as i said above, it does not come easy to me. So, this is my prayer request, that everyone who reads this blog would be a prayer warrior for me in this area. Pray that God would help me in this area so that my body would be prepared to house a little bumble with no complications! If this sounds crazy to you all, I'm sorry, but... I'm a crazy girl i guess :)
Thanks a billion

"Feel the Burn"

Holy Cow! We went wake boarding the other day, and can i just say, ouch! My body hurts! I feel like i went to the gym and did like five kick boxing classes plus some! Anyway, i didn't actually stand up, although i was told i came very close at times. However, the effort put forth to master this sport (ha ha) has put a hurting on my muscles! I plan to get back out there soon and attempt to actually wake board verses my whole body skidding across the lake:)

Everyone is Leaving today:(

Some of our family left this morning around three a.m. Everyone else leaves this evening. Today is our last day together, and a part of me is sad because i'm not sure when i will see them all again. It has been hectic, however, i have thoroughly enjoyed their company! ! We took some really nice pictures so i will post them when i get a chance!

Family Visits...

This morning my sister, nephew and his girlfriend arrived from pennsylvania! It's so good having family up!

This week was tiring, long, but went pretty fast. I'm looking forward to having a day off tomorrow with the family. I think we are going to have a beach day tomorrow, followed by dinner at my sisters. Good times. Hopefully I'll get some good pictures and I'll post them sometime next week.

On a side note, I'm feeling much better than the other day, so thank you to all of you who prayed for me. Ahhh hormones tend to take a toll some days eh!
smooches.
peace out for now

Untrodden ground

With each new day God gives me breath, I am learning to embrace the troublesome times and welcome the changes in my life. At first, when faced with a difficult situation, especially when accompanied with pain or sorrow, the temptation is to question God's goodness, his love towards us, his will, his desire to give us all good things. However, is it not through these times that he shows his presence even more? Is it not through these times that our faith is strengthened, our awareness of his presence in our lives more clear?

The past few months have been one heck of a ride to say the least. I will spare the details, lest you be tempted to judge all those involved. God has been teaching me so much through this experience. Even through this difficult time, I am reminded of his great love for me, his desire to grow me closer to himself, his desire to draw near to me, and have me likewise, draw closer to him.

I was placed into a family, handpicked by God, where things were not always the best of circumstances. Sins of my grandparents were inevitably passed down to my parents. Hurts inflicted upon my parents affected their ability to choose wisely, leading to destructive behaviors, broken relationships, and a family empty of God, which hindered their ability to parent us properly. As a result, me, along with my siblings were left with scares, wounded hearts which carried many burdens and painful memories of our childhood. Some of us inadvertently chose to carry these wounds and scares into adulthood, while some tried to cover up those hurts with drugs and alcohol, attempting to numb the pain for a time. Some however, sought to face those hurts head on, scary as it be, and attempt to resolve those hurts. I claim the later. I crawled into adulthood a very scared, confused, insecure, wounded soul. Some issues i was unaware of, i just knew their affects on my life. By Gods grace, he lead me to himself and i began the journey that would change my life.

Skipping ahead a few years, and sparing you once again of many details, I eventually got married to Nick, my best friend and soul mate. He truly is a blessing from above. We together, have faced and conquered many trials over the past eight years. Recently we faced the most difficult trial in our lives together. I questioned Gods goodness at first, wondering why i always seem to be battling some kind of hurt. All i have to say is that through this experience God is once again, graciously growing my heart.

With all this said, I recently realized issues present in my heart and life in a fresh new way. Facing these things is both painful and scary, however, i know god will grow me immensely. I realized that marriage, hard as it may be at times, is a special means God uses to grow us into the children he wants us to be. There are areas in my life i would have neglected to see if it had not been for my marital relationship. For no other person shares the depth of emotional intimacy with me as nick does. Issues from childhood that i believed were dealt with and laid to rest years back were recently brought to the surface in a whole new light. Again, it is definitely painful, but i am grateful none the less.

I ask that you would all keep me and my husband in prayer as God leads us down these untrodden paths. I know He is good, and will bless us huge as we seek to grow in these areas and draw near to him.

I will write more on this later...
Thanks:)

just another day

Today was a short day, but a long day... I'm soooo tired!!! Just wanted to thank all of you with whom I'm close with! Each one of my friends means something to me on a personal level. God definitely brings people into our lives for a specific purpose, and I'm so grateful for all of you who have made my life more fulfilling! I hope i can bring the same joy to you all that you have brought into my life! Just wanted to shout out a little love to some people specifically!
Nick
Jenny P & Bob
Stephers
Jen S.
Tracie & Randy
Keleigh
Polly
Shannon & Ryan
Kathy K.
Angie & Warren
Angie S.
Anita
I love you all

Today was a good day! Church was encouraging. I made a really good breakfast/lunch for Nick and I after church. We had broccoli, onion, cheese omelet, bacon, and biscuits! It was soooo yummy!

Nick worked on the deck this afternoon, and I focused on laundry and cleaning the house up. Can i just say, wow... our house was really dusty! So I'm feeling warm and fuzzy that my house is clean and organized for the most part. Looking forward to a good night sleep in our clean room and dryer sheet fresh bedding:)
*** I know, get a life right!!!