Untrodden ground

With each new day God gives me breath, I am learning to embrace the troublesome times and welcome the changes in my life. At first, when faced with a difficult situation, especially when accompanied with pain or sorrow, the temptation is to question God's goodness, his love towards us, his will, his desire to give us all good things. However, is it not through these times that he shows his presence even more? Is it not through these times that our faith is strengthened, our awareness of his presence in our lives more clear?

The past few months have been one heck of a ride to say the least. I will spare the details, lest you be tempted to judge all those involved. God has been teaching me so much through this experience. Even through this difficult time, I am reminded of his great love for me, his desire to grow me closer to himself, his desire to draw near to me, and have me likewise, draw closer to him.

I was placed into a family, handpicked by God, where things were not always the best of circumstances. Sins of my grandparents were inevitably passed down to my parents. Hurts inflicted upon my parents affected their ability to choose wisely, leading to destructive behaviors, broken relationships, and a family empty of God, which hindered their ability to parent us properly. As a result, me, along with my siblings were left with scares, wounded hearts which carried many burdens and painful memories of our childhood. Some of us inadvertently chose to carry these wounds and scares into adulthood, while some tried to cover up those hurts with drugs and alcohol, attempting to numb the pain for a time. Some however, sought to face those hurts head on, scary as it be, and attempt to resolve those hurts. I claim the later. I crawled into adulthood a very scared, confused, insecure, wounded soul. Some issues i was unaware of, i just knew their affects on my life. By Gods grace, he lead me to himself and i began the journey that would change my life.

Skipping ahead a few years, and sparing you once again of many details, I eventually got married to Nick, my best friend and soul mate. He truly is a blessing from above. We together, have faced and conquered many trials over the past eight years. Recently we faced the most difficult trial in our lives together. I questioned Gods goodness at first, wondering why i always seem to be battling some kind of hurt. All i have to say is that through this experience God is once again, graciously growing my heart.

With all this said, I recently realized issues present in my heart and life in a fresh new way. Facing these things is both painful and scary, however, i know god will grow me immensely. I realized that marriage, hard as it may be at times, is a special means God uses to grow us into the children he wants us to be. There are areas in my life i would have neglected to see if it had not been for my marital relationship. For no other person shares the depth of emotional intimacy with me as nick does. Issues from childhood that i believed were dealt with and laid to rest years back were recently brought to the surface in a whole new light. Again, it is definitely painful, but i am grateful none the less.

I ask that you would all keep me and my husband in prayer as God leads us down these untrodden paths. I know He is good, and will bless us huge as we seek to grow in these areas and draw near to him.

I will write more on this later...
Thanks:)