Hey everyone

Hey everyone,
Well, we arrived back form our vacation on Sat. morning. We had a wonderful time! The house we stayed in was up in the side of a mountain overlooking the ocean. We were very close to the ocean, so the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach was very loud and relaxing. We went to the beach almost every day. Nick, my sister,and her husband surfed a lot while i layed on the beach soaking up the sun and swimming. We did a lot of really cool things while we were there. We went on a horse back riding trip through the mountains to some really huge beautiful water falls. We kayaked in the pacific ocean along the rain forests and through huge caves. That was really fun. We visited a few towns and spent the day walking around and shopping. The food was soooo good! Lots of fresh sea food and rice. We walked down to the river which was about fifteen minutes from the house and swam and explored. The animals we saw were truly amazing. Beautiful birds, plants, monkeys, codys, lizards, etc.. We truly had a wonderful time. We may go back in February for another two weeks! I will post pic's as soon as i get the chance.
Merry Christmas

Friendly Update!

Well, i finished my pharm. 1 class yesterday. The final was absolutely crazy, but i studied for days and can honestly say I did the best that i could!

We leave in about two hours for Detroit and then tomorrow morning we are off to Costa Rica!!! I'll post pic's when we get back from our trip!

Family arrives at out house the day before we get home from Costa Rica, so I've been scrambling to get the house in order, get packed etc.. So in case i don't get the chance to say it, MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

There is so much to be thankful for! Even though this year has definitely been a trying one, I have so many things to be grateful for.
I'M THANKFUL FOR

1. God for answering prayer concerning my moms colon cancer. The treatment went well and my mom is here with us today. We've had the opportunity to make many more special memories together.
2. Protecting our marriage and keeping us close in spite of our shortcomings.
3. All our wonderful friends who love us and support us through and through.
4. Our home
5. Our health
6. The opportunity to become educated
7. The ability to worship our God free of fear and persecution.
8. Christian artists who are willing to use their gift of music to glorify our God and encourage our hearts, giving up the recognition and material rewards of this life.
9. Bold teachers who stand firm in the truth and hold Gods word in high regard instead of going with philosophy of this world.
10. My senses: the ability to hear, see, speak, smell etc..
11. God's faithfulness to me even though I fail miserably in my faithfulness to Him.
12. Jesus for His ultimate sacrifice,making it possible for me to have a relationship with God the father, eternity in heaven, and hope in this life.
13. That I have food to eat, clothes to wear, money to meet the bills, a warm home, any many comforts I take for granted on a daily basis, forgetting how blessed I am.
14. Gods hand in my life.
15. For the ability to read.
16. The hope of possibly being a mom in the near future, despite my infertility.

Please keep my big sis in your prayers! My sister M has been experiencing many health problems for the past four years. She was recently diagnosed with possible Crones disease. She has undergone several surgeries this year and it appears as though her body is breaking down. She is very discouraged and worried. Pray God draws her to Himself in a very real way and uses all this craziness for good!
Thanks:)

Feelin like a slacker!!!

Well school is on the move let me tell ya! I have so much work to do just to keep up! This is only a 2 credit class, but for those of you who are familiar with pharmacology know all too well that means absolutely nothing when referring to this class. I really have to hustle because believe it or not, I only have four classes left till the end of the semester. Wow... time flies by hugh? I really didn't do any studying this whole week so I'm a bit behind! Please pray God will keep me focused and that I will finish strong!

Today I'm kind of in a funk physically! Went to bed way too late i guess, and woke up a little too early! Things are going well these days. I'm back in school once a week until December 7th. I'm sure the time will fly by so I covet your prayers that I will do well in this class. We haven't heard anything from our SW lately, so please keep us in prayer the adoption process will go smoothly and that we wouldn't encounter any problems that would hinder us from adopting form Korea!
thanks:)

Anita tagged me!!!

OK, Anita tagged me and said i have to list eight random things about myself and then tag 8 other people. I really don't know eight other people who have blog sites and I'm not sure if i can tag people with e mails. So.... I will just list eight things about me!
1. I love eating chocolate, ice cream or any sweet junk food for breakfast, although i try not to.
2. My favorite color is pink!
3. I'm recently addicted to the new McDonald's Carmel late'
4. I'm not a total tree hugger, but i do think hunting is sad and i definately have a huge passion for animals.
5. I've been coloring my hair since 6th grade. I've had many different hair colors!
6. I enjoy winter just as much as summer!
7. I love to read
8. My favorite flower is Freesia

happy halloween everyone!

Well, i hope everyone had a fun halloween! We had a blast. I have lots of fun pictures to post, but my computer is acting crazy once again, so i can only post pic's when it feels like letting me! So... i'll keep trying and we'll see what happens!
cya ya for now:(

Our God Is So Good!

This year has been a bit crazy! From infertility issues to failed adoption plans and everything else in between! I have to say our God is awesome! It amazes me how each time I am faced with a new hurt of challenge and I feel there is no way things could be better, God turns those situations around and I come out of that trial more refined. God is awesome! I wonder how those who reject him are able to make it through this life.
I'm not at all saying that life is easy because I know God personally. You could ask any one of God's children and they would tell you that even though they have a personal relationship with God, they have faced many hardships in this life. But, because we know God, we are able to not only get through those tough times victoriously, but when all is said and done, we are stronger and closer to God as a result. I defiantly have not arrived at the place where I welcome trials, however, I am getting to the place in my life where I recognize Gods hand in my life and I believe no matter what I go through, He will walk with me through those times and I will be ok.

What's New??

Well, lots going on here on the Di Mario front! I got my final grade for my nursing 101 class, and I ended up with a 98% in the class, which is a 4.0.
Very happy about that I must admit!
~ We are almost to the point where we will be signing our lease for our store! We are very excited, and a little nervous. It's going to be a roller coaster ride to say the least, but I think it's going to be an awesome experience.

Finished the Fianl!!!!!!!

K, took my final about ten minutes ago! I think i did pretty well, but ya never know! Good thing I kept my grades high up til the end, ya know, a little safety net in case i bomb the final! Anywho, it's over... whewww...

Well, I turned 31 on October 11th. I really don't feel any different, except for the few extra pounds i put back on due to all the birthday cake and snacking! Oh well, back to the drawling board!
School is winding down. I take my final tomorrow, and then i have a little break until Oct. 30th. Wheww... one more class down!

Recap of my week so far.....

Last night was our first night back helping out with the children's ministry at our church. It was fun seeing the kids again. Nick did awesome leading games for our group, and book time went well. IT was a little hard on the way there because i was grumpy rushing from work to the church. Thankfully there is someone there on Wednesdays who prepares dinner for everyone! Whew... no cooking and cleaning up, yay!
~School is going well! I can honestly say, this semester is a breeze compared to earlier ones. I so hope the courses remain easy and fun throughout the duration of the program. That may just be wishful thinking on my part!
~Work is going well. Things are beginning to slow down, but thankfully the days are not dragging for me!
~Just thought i would let ya view my life this week.. the short version... main points highlighted!

just a blurp.....

Sunday was a rocky day for me emotionally. Totally unplanned I might add. Nick and I arose early Sunday morning, had coffee, and headed out the door for church. I'm teaching Sunday school again, first grade through third, so it's pretty fun for me. After church we had a gathering at out pastors house. The group consisted of several young married couples. "Young" referring to every one's age, not their relational status. Everyone has children. Nick and I are the only ones without children. Most of the time my mind tends to briefly gravitate towards the dream of having a family of our own, but I quickly bounce back, realizing it's just not time yet. But Sunday, my heart grew heavy. The group was brought together this past sunday so the pastors could gain insight and feedback as to how the church can better minister to young families and couples in our church and community. We used to meet as a group two Sundays a month and view a marriage video followed by a discussion. We also had several fun fellowships together as a group. The focus was always on our marriages. The children would obviously come up, and were always present at the different functions, but the purpose of the group was never mainly the children. This time around the conversation was all about the kids. I understand that children are a huge part of our lives, and that once you have kids, your world tends to revolve around them. I just felt discouraged because instead of seeking to grow our individual lives and relationships through this ministry, it seemed like everyone was more interested in a play group type of group, or a growing kids Gods way class. Don't get me wrong, i do think nick and i would benefit from taking a class to learn how to rear our children, but its just hard at times because we haven't been blessed with a child yet. The the focus turned towards us at one point when someone asks,"how can we better serve the couples in our community who do not have children"? Then someone says, "i do hope you two don't feel left out", or something along those lines.... Well of course we feel left out at times, hello! Its no ones fault we feel left out, we just are not the norm for our age bracket. All this griping to say, sometimes its just so hard....

I agree......How sad...

Sometimes It seems as though struggles and difficult situations show who your true friends are. One of my friends recently posted on their blog how she has felt left high and dry by friends at times when she is going through a tough time. I have to admit i have felt the same way. I think a lot of people are willing to be your friend as long as times are good, and you are capable of making them happy and secure. As long as your their listening ear, they are just peachy, but when the tables are turned and you are bogged down my a sudden woe, or undesirable circumstances, they flee. How sad... Don't people realize there is more of a blessing being the listening ear? Don't they realize great encouragement comes to the heart that helps bear someones burden? I have been brought so much joy just by walking along side some of my close friends while they were going through very troublesome waters in their lives. I also think its difficult for many people to listen to a persons trouble without passing judgement. They immediately feel like they can't relate, therefore they are unable to be an encouragement. Hello, what about empathy? Where is the compassion? Again, i feel for my friend, and I do hope she feels like I am always here for her. If you are reading this post, please know that although my world may not be perfect, I am always here for you, to encourage you and build you up. To lift you up in prayer. To be that listening ear or sounding board.

AHHHHHH

So school started this past Tuesday! I thought i would be excited to be back in classes, however, i am feeling a bit frazzled. These are the normal emotions for me the first few weeks of class. It takes me a while to get back into the swing of things. The class I'm taking is Introduction to nursing. When i heard it was only a one credit class I thought, wow, I'm going to be on easy street this semester. But... when i got my book i was apparently mistaken. We are responsible for far more material than i anticipated. Since i will be working this semester, I will have to master time management, which up until now I have always struggled with. I'm sure I will be fine once i get myself into a routine. But for all you prayer warriors out there, shoot a few up for me will ya!

What Depth Is Acceptable?

Ever wonder just how deep to carry a conversation? Ever leave a conversation feeling like you deceived someone into thinking everything in your life is just peachy, while all along you are struggling with numerous untold issues? I'm not painting the picture of my life here or anything, just simply raising the question, how deep is deep enough? I've heard people say they have their few faithful friends with whom they bear their souls. I've heard other people blatantly state, they simply do not struggle! While others, in which category I at times regretfully place myself, live quite transparent lives, sharing levels of their hearts with others they wish they could reseal at times. I am not always in this category, for at times I find my self confortably reverting back to my "faithful few". If something troublesome is taking place in my life I have trouble concealing it. I feel as though if i do not share the truth of my life, heart, and soul, I am not only lying to myself, but deceiving others into thinking I'm doing great. I am not at all saying my life is a continuous source of pain or discouragement, however, is it not possible to be thankful for all the blessings in ones life yet feel the pangs of emptiness? Is it not possible to functionally walk through life, at times with great faith, yet even victory over sin and temptation and still be aware of the sin that remains in ones own heart and life? Is it not possible to be leaning on the everlasting promises of God and still feel the very real presense of doubt and unbelief regarding our current struggle or situation? I understand the concept of protecting our hearts and guarding ourselves from unnecessary hurt as the result of someone reacting inappropriately to something we share about ourselves, however, I think much can be gleaned by a person who is honest about their life trials and personal struggles. Who among us is ever perfect? Who among us can readily say they are without some type of struggle or defect? I not only share my hurts and struggles to ease my own conscience, but believe that through my transparent lifestyle, others may be inspired to do the same. I have learned through past experiences that people are encouraged greatly to know they are not alone in their hurt. We may not always know what to say to make a person feel better, but the ability to empathize with another, and genuinely feel compassion towards him or her, seeing life through their eyes for a brief moment is a gift. A gift posessed by the giver, and a gift bestoed upon the receiver.

CANT SLEEP

I can't sleep tonight and i am missing my once upon a time online friends! We used to spend time together on nights like tonight. I could always depend on "someone" being near via the computer on nights when falling asleep was difficult. I'm thinking we've all moved forward into different directions. Those times seem so far and few in between.
~So... I cant' sleep. Could be all the allergy medicine i consumed today to avoid that head cold that seemed to be creeping up on me. Could be all the crazy info i heard concerning my dad this evening. Could be the fact that work starts a little later for me these days and I'm seizing the free moment to clear my head by writing on this blog.... Or, it could be all the above! Regardless, I'm here, sitting in front of this computer screen wishing someone was around to shoot the breeze with. So, I'll just do a little shout out to my long lost online crew! Angie, Anita, Nicole, i miss you guys!

Sometimes it is so difficult to live in "the moment". At times throughout my life, distractions, dreams, planning, worry, etc. have drawn my attention away from the beautiful things taking place in my life. Hopes for the future have distracted my attention away from the already fulfilled hopes and dreams of today. I firmly believe goals are necessary, however, not at the cost of loosing sight of our present blessings. Sometimes i don't think we even realize what is happening, all we are aware of is that somehow our joy is missing. An example of this kind of situation: A person wants so desperately to get married. Instead of enjoying the life they have, a life filled with friends, a career, freedom, ministry opportunities, they are consumed with the dream and desire to become married. Marriage in and of itself is not bad, however, when that dream becomes our main focus, we can become incontinent in our present situation, missing out on the blessings God has for us currently. I have noticed this taking place in my own life at times regarding having a family. I want so badly to experience pregnancy, motherhood, and parenting. sometimes i miss the blessings of today. I have a wonderful husband, more than adequate time to build my relationship with God, family, friends etc. Nick and I together have the time to dive into ministry. We even have the opportunity to serve in short term missions if we plan properly. Sometimes when we become distracted by what we think is missing in our lives, we become less thankful, less content, resulting in a loss of joy and an ineffectiveness for God! Today I strive to see all God has richly blessed me with. I want to seize each moment to be used by Him. I do not want to approach a ripe age, looking back and see only missed opportunities and wasted time. I want to approach the throne of Grace hearing, well done my good and faithful servent!

A Dream Come True!!

I'm beginning to get excited about our new plan! Nick and I have decided to go ahead with IVF in December of 08! Realizing that's only a little over a year away, I'm a little excited. This past year has flown by, so I'm sure this year will do the same. It makes me a little nervous however, because we all know just because something is planned, does not necessarily mean it will come to pass. I also have some concerns about the possibility that the treatment will not take, leaving us without child and our savings account somewhat drained. Just some of the thoughts that run through my mind from time to time. I know and believe God most likely desires to give us a family, so weather through IVF, domestic adoption, or international adoption, that dream will come to pass. Oh how I long for that day!!!!

Whats New You Say?

Getting ready for school to begin. I've very excited to get back to the books! I miss learning, studying, and the feelings of accomplishment that accompany doing well on tests and assignments. I know the next two semesters will fly by, and before I know it I will only have two more semesters left until I receive my degree! That's a good feeling!
~ Soon work will begin to slow down for both nick and I and we will have a lot more time together. Projects around the house that were put on hold will hopefully see completion, oh happy day=).... Christmas is just around the corner, about five months to be exact. I love decorating for Christmas!

Getting in shape.....

For those of you who know me well are aware of my constant struggle to either get, or stay fit! That's right folks, its my thorn in the flesh to say the least. Good intentions and half hearted attempts recently have left me, um, nowhere.... Nick and i have talked quite a bit about our desire to build our family and It seems we are leaning towards IVF sometime in the almost near future, as vague as that sounds. Probably fall of 08, which leaves me with a little over a year to get my weight down, and my body fit. I have succeeded in the past to keep my weight down but as i said above, it does not come easy to me. So, this is my prayer request, that everyone who reads this blog would be a prayer warrior for me in this area. Pray that God would help me in this area so that my body would be prepared to house a little bumble with no complications! If this sounds crazy to you all, I'm sorry, but... I'm a crazy girl i guess :)
Thanks a billion

"Feel the Burn"

Holy Cow! We went wake boarding the other day, and can i just say, ouch! My body hurts! I feel like i went to the gym and did like five kick boxing classes plus some! Anyway, i didn't actually stand up, although i was told i came very close at times. However, the effort put forth to master this sport (ha ha) has put a hurting on my muscles! I plan to get back out there soon and attempt to actually wake board verses my whole body skidding across the lake:)

Everyone is Leaving today:(

Some of our family left this morning around three a.m. Everyone else leaves this evening. Today is our last day together, and a part of me is sad because i'm not sure when i will see them all again. It has been hectic, however, i have thoroughly enjoyed their company! ! We took some really nice pictures so i will post them when i get a chance!

Family Visits...

This morning my sister, nephew and his girlfriend arrived from pennsylvania! It's so good having family up!

This week was tiring, long, but went pretty fast. I'm looking forward to having a day off tomorrow with the family. I think we are going to have a beach day tomorrow, followed by dinner at my sisters. Good times. Hopefully I'll get some good pictures and I'll post them sometime next week.

On a side note, I'm feeling much better than the other day, so thank you to all of you who prayed for me. Ahhh hormones tend to take a toll some days eh!
smooches.
peace out for now

Untrodden ground

With each new day God gives me breath, I am learning to embrace the troublesome times and welcome the changes in my life. At first, when faced with a difficult situation, especially when accompanied with pain or sorrow, the temptation is to question God's goodness, his love towards us, his will, his desire to give us all good things. However, is it not through these times that he shows his presence even more? Is it not through these times that our faith is strengthened, our awareness of his presence in our lives more clear?

The past few months have been one heck of a ride to say the least. I will spare the details, lest you be tempted to judge all those involved. God has been teaching me so much through this experience. Even through this difficult time, I am reminded of his great love for me, his desire to grow me closer to himself, his desire to draw near to me, and have me likewise, draw closer to him.

I was placed into a family, handpicked by God, where things were not always the best of circumstances. Sins of my grandparents were inevitably passed down to my parents. Hurts inflicted upon my parents affected their ability to choose wisely, leading to destructive behaviors, broken relationships, and a family empty of God, which hindered their ability to parent us properly. As a result, me, along with my siblings were left with scares, wounded hearts which carried many burdens and painful memories of our childhood. Some of us inadvertently chose to carry these wounds and scares into adulthood, while some tried to cover up those hurts with drugs and alcohol, attempting to numb the pain for a time. Some however, sought to face those hurts head on, scary as it be, and attempt to resolve those hurts. I claim the later. I crawled into adulthood a very scared, confused, insecure, wounded soul. Some issues i was unaware of, i just knew their affects on my life. By Gods grace, he lead me to himself and i began the journey that would change my life.

Skipping ahead a few years, and sparing you once again of many details, I eventually got married to Nick, my best friend and soul mate. He truly is a blessing from above. We together, have faced and conquered many trials over the past eight years. Recently we faced the most difficult trial in our lives together. I questioned Gods goodness at first, wondering why i always seem to be battling some kind of hurt. All i have to say is that through this experience God is once again, graciously growing my heart.

With all this said, I recently realized issues present in my heart and life in a fresh new way. Facing these things is both painful and scary, however, i know god will grow me immensely. I realized that marriage, hard as it may be at times, is a special means God uses to grow us into the children he wants us to be. There are areas in my life i would have neglected to see if it had not been for my marital relationship. For no other person shares the depth of emotional intimacy with me as nick does. Issues from childhood that i believed were dealt with and laid to rest years back were recently brought to the surface in a whole new light. Again, it is definitely painful, but i am grateful none the less.

I ask that you would all keep me and my husband in prayer as God leads us down these untrodden paths. I know He is good, and will bless us huge as we seek to grow in these areas and draw near to him.

I will write more on this later...
Thanks:)

just another day

Today was a short day, but a long day... I'm soooo tired!!! Just wanted to thank all of you with whom I'm close with! Each one of my friends means something to me on a personal level. God definitely brings people into our lives for a specific purpose, and I'm so grateful for all of you who have made my life more fulfilling! I hope i can bring the same joy to you all that you have brought into my life! Just wanted to shout out a little love to some people specifically!
Nick
Jenny P & Bob
Stephers
Jen S.
Tracie & Randy
Keleigh
Polly
Shannon & Ryan
Kathy K.
Angie & Warren
Angie S.
Anita
I love you all

Today was a good day! Church was encouraging. I made a really good breakfast/lunch for Nick and I after church. We had broccoli, onion, cheese omelet, bacon, and biscuits! It was soooo yummy!

Nick worked on the deck this afternoon, and I focused on laundry and cleaning the house up. Can i just say, wow... our house was really dusty! So I'm feeling warm and fuzzy that my house is clean and organized for the most part. Looking forward to a good night sleep in our clean room and dryer sheet fresh bedding:)
*** I know, get a life right!!!

PS... sorry about all the Christmas pic's... Can you tell it's been a while since i developed our film? Some are recent though!

OK, so it's been a while. Things have been really good on our end. Busy, but good. Work is going well. The stores have been doing pretty good this year, which is awesome. It pumps Nick and I up for when we have our own store in the spring, God willing.

Summer really is flying by, or so it seems. We've only been to the beach once so far this year. It's so difficult to spend our days off at the beach when there is so much we want to do here at the house. We are finishing the deck tomorrow if the rain holds out for most of the day. Today we built our pen for the chickens we will be getting in a few short weeks. We are getting twelve meat birds. They will only be "partial" pets for three months. Then, the remainder of our relationship with them will be there presence on our plates and in our bellies! I'm a little concerned as to weather or not I will become attached to them, and dread the day when its time to take them to the farmer to face their bleak fate! However, I'm excited about hormone and antibiotic free chicken in our freezer! I think next year I want to try to raise a pig!

Anywho, that's enough about my crazy life for now!

We Need A Maid!!!!!

OK, so I've never been the type to let my house accumulate messes, however, since I've began working full time again, I'm much less inclined to fuss over our messy house like i used to. Sad to say, our house is trashed by my standards. Several little piles of laundry are gathered in various places around the house. Dishes in the sink, etc...... yuck!!! Those of you who know me well have an idea how out of my character this is!!! I just lack the motivation to clean up when i get home from work. I'm just plain tired. Nick and I take turns cooking dinner and he has begun to help out with house hold duties, but.... we both work a lot, so we both lack motivation to keep the house tidy! The good news is, once i begin school in the fall I will be home more so i anticipate the return of my OCD!! Yea, a clean house again!! Wooohoooo!!

Our Pre-Anniversary Celebration

Well, yesterday was a really fun day. Nick and I slept in a bit and spent the morning together. We later went to the beach at lake Charlevoix and had a picnic, swam,hung out on the raft and took the wave runner out. We took a little break from the beach to walk through the town and get some DQ. We went to night church and then stopped to pick up some pizzas and soda, came home and watched a movie while we grubbed. Then we went off to bed! It was a very special day together!

A New Day

OK, so today I woke up a little gloomy, but... The day turned out pretty well. I am home now, just ate some popcorn and diet mountain dew for dinner, and here I am.

Nick and I are celebrating our anniversary on Sunday. Our real anniversary is July 4th, however, because we are both working that day, we decided to celebrate our church wedding day instead, which is June 24 and falls on Sunday, a day which we both have off work! So we are going to spend the whole day together!!! I'm very excited. We are celebrating 8 years together! Times have been full of many ups and downs, but here we are almost eight years and still married! No marriage is easy or near perfect, and i am so thankful to see we have made it this far still together. This past year has been the most challenging to say the least, and we made it! Thank you God!!

Even though we see each other every night, it's not enough. I miss him so much, and just wish we could hibernate on a private island for a few weeks, just holding each other all day. I know, not gonna happen! But i can dream right? I am so excited for our Costa Rica vacation in December. Two whole weeks with no work, cleaning, etc.. Just fun in the sun! We even have a maid for the two weeks! SWEETNESS!!

Just waiting for hubs to come home so we can spend some time before bed. We have been getting to bed entirely too late these days, and its catching up with us more and more. Hopefully tonight we can catch some quality ZZZ's.
Anywho, that's all for now folks!

This blog is beginning to function like my journal. The only time I ever seem to write in my journal is when i feel down, or something important in my life is taking place.

My days have been consumed more and more with disheartening emotions. Many things run through my mind. Today was a crazy day. Work was somewhat slow, allowing time for "extra" thinking, which is not always a good thing. As i sit here writing, I'm listening to the sound of thunder, and the rain lightly hitting the leaves on the trees. It's unusually dark outside. Our home is quiet tonight. Nick is out with a friend golfing, so it's just me and the pups.

I feel sad today. Not quite sure why. I could peg the blame for these emotions on many things in my life, but nothing was different today than a few days ago, and i felt fine then. Emotions... difficult to figure out at times, and rather deceiving.

Well.... In all circumstances I will choose not to focus on negativity, and will instead seek to make the remainder of my day productive.

The Fight On Sunday Mornings

Sunday mornings can be such a battle! There are definitely times when getting ready for church and making it there is a joy. But... more often than not, Its a conscious effort. I realize now how much easier it was to go when we were involved in various ministries. I felt so connected to the people there. Since we have stepped down for various reasons, it has become immensely difficult. We are still going, however, the desire to ditch has become more intense. I recognize we as Christians are continuously at war with our sinful desires, along with the enemy. Here is a great verse to help battle these times!
~1Corinthians 10:3-5
For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

A Little Revelation

Sometimes I think we as Christians live as though we are poverty stricken spiritually. Although we have inherited the riches of grace, forgiveness, victory over sin, worry, fear, doubt, condemnation, sanctification etc.. we continue to live as though we had not. I know for myself, I claim to believe Gods word. I claim Jesus as my savior, and God as my father. I claim to be forgiven. I claim victory in the cross. I claim eternity as my future home. More often than not, all the while living as though I have none of these things. Its so easy to allow our fluctuating emotions and circumstances to dominate our thinking, thus, controlling our actions and course of life. Why is it so difficult to live by faith in God's word, His promises, laying aside our thoughts, feelings, and ambitions? Last night, while talking with nick, he challenged us to begin living in God's promises daily. He said, "God tells us we are free, lets live like we are free". What a simple, yet wise statement! Even though our emotions and our minds scream at us differently, lets live in Christs promises. I am forgiven in Christ. Shall I not live as forgiven? I am righteous in Christ. Shall I not live as righteous? I am accepted by God in Christ. Shall I not live as accepted? I am blameless and holy in Christ. Shall I not live as though i am blameless and holy in Gods sight? There is so much freedom in these truths. I have known these truths for many years, but for some reason, never grasping the concept that if i neglect to consciously live by them daily, my life will be affected negatively. I have realized that the enemy has the ability to prey on my emotions and penetrate my thoughts, and when i become infiltrated by his lies, i become ineffective in my walk with the lord and paralyzed in my life, unable to move forward. If i meditate on Gods words, His promises, it doesn't matter how i feel, or what my circumstances are. God's promises still stand. His truths are secure. That is what it means to put the armor of God on! If i train my mind to relish in God's promises, my heart will be guarded against my fear, worry, etc.. I just thought this was worth sharing. It encourages me huge! I hope it does the same for you!

EVEN DURING THE DARK TIMES

This past year has definitely been a challenge both emotionally and spiritually. Those of you who are close to me know of which situation in particular I am referring to. During this time I faced many emotions including anger, resentment, sorrow, loss, anxiety, betrayal, doubt, and fear to name a few. At first I was unsure of how to handle things. I questioned Gods love for me, and his desire to protect me. I felt very alone. However, I quickly recovered from these debilitating emotions, and saw a faint hope in the distance. As I worked through these emotions, claiming their presence in my heart, talking to the Lord, and seeking counsel from others, God began to heal my heart and my circumstances. God has been so good to me. I went through a period of paranoia, where I felt like the bottom of my life was going to drop out all together.. I saw only darkness. Thanks be to God that he lifted me out of that pit of despair and once again showered his love upon me, drawing me back to himself, and taking that crappy situation and bringing much good out of it. My faith has been strengthened in that I have seen God work in my life in many past situations and I now have confidence that he will bring me through future trials. I am by no means claiming complete victory over this situation as of yet. I am, however, claiming full victory over this trial over time, after much needed healing.I am claiming victory over the future trials I will face down the road. For I know i will not be facing them alone!
~ A big thanks to those of you who have walked with me through this troublesome time in my life.

The Burden of Infertility

Many people can relate to this topic, for i know i do not walk this road individually. Infertility... something i never dreamed of facing. I always took for granted the ability to become pregnant, thinking it would be easy and natural.
~ We tried to conceive throughout the first few years of marriage always ending with the same result.. no baby! We attributed our unsuccessfulness to wrong timing. We never really tried wholeheartedly to become pregnant until about three years ago. After being unsuccessful for several months, we began to question our ability to become pregnant. We sought help from my OBGYN, hoping to hear everything was ok. My doctor ordered some tests, after which i was told i was not ovulating. He immediately put me on clomid for six months. He believed my problem was minimal, and assured us not to worry, that we would be pregnant within three to five months. Well, the six months was over, and still no baby. He referred us to a specialists in Grand Rapids. I didn't feel ready to see a specialist, after all, we had only been trying this medication for six months. I felt rushed, as though he was pushing us into infertility treatments that may not be necessary. I chose to get a second opinion from a doctor in Traverse City. A few people i knew had seen doctors at that practice, and had become pregnant after trying the medication glucophage for six months. I requested to be put on that medication, just to see if it would work. He seemed to think it would not work, since this medication worked similar to clomid. Well, after trying the second medication and still no baby, we decided to go to the doctor in grand rapids. I was so afraid of what i might hear regarding our ability to conceive. The good news was that i have plenty of eggs, twice the amount most women have. The bad news; because i have so many eggs, my brain will not allow my body to ovulate because the result could be an ovulation of over 12 eggs. Crazy... So our options were presented to us: continue with light infertility medications, try heavy infertility meds, or do IVF. We were cautioned not to dabble with the heavy medications due to my overabundance of eggs because my doctor would be unable to control how many eggs my body would release. So basically we could do IVF, or wait for the possibility that my body would eventually decrease the amount of eggs i have, and i could become pregnant naturally. All this new information was too much to bear. Nick and I both had ethical issues with IVF. I was an emotional mess. We decided to back away from the infertility treatments for a while. Who knows what the future holds for us. Throughout this whole process our prayer was that God would bless us with a beautiful, healthy little baby. We also prayed that his will be done, and that he would give us a heart to accept his will, whatever that may be. We are still praying that prayer today!

Thanks To All Who Have Made A Difference In My Life

God Our Father- Thank you for all your grace and love towards me, though I am undeserving. Thank you for who you are! Father, I love you!

Jesus My Savior- Thank you for enduring the cross to pay my debt! I can't thank you enough! Thank you!

Momma J- I know you think you let all your children down by exposing us to the life we lived as children, and for all the mistakes you made as a parent and a person. But... my experiences growing up have made me the person I am today. I have learned so much from you momma. More good has come out of everything than you can imagine. No one could ever replace the space you occupy in my heart. I love you always.
~your baby

Daddy- Although i don't understand all you are, and all you have done, I thank you for doing the best you could as my father. I have many special memories from childhood, and I thank you for adding to my treasured memories.

Nick- We have been through a lot together, and through it all, you remain my most treasured friend!

Jen P.- Thank you for always being there for me! I treasure the special friendship we share. I love how God brought us together when we both needed each other most in life. You are a special blessing to me, and i thank you for all you do!

Dwight and Connie- Thank you for taking me under your wing when i first came into the church. The love and support you showered upon me more than got me through that period of my life! I love you both!

Audie- you have been my best friend since childhood. We are so different in so many ways, and at the same time so alike. I love you more than ever! You truly are an amazing sister and friend.

Audie & Dave- Together you both are so amazing! I am so thankful for how you two have pulled together to be there for Nick and I over the past few years. I love you guys!

Mellie-My sister.. My friend. We are soooo alike Mel. Thank you for all the laughs and crazy times we share. Thank you for being there for Audi and I as kids. You have no idea the impact you have made in my life! You are an amazing mother, sister, and friend. I love you with all my heart!

Val- Dori!! Gosh Val, where to begin! Thank you for being you! You have been through so much in your life, and yet you made it through! I love you so much, and I'm so thankful you are my big sister! You have contributed to so many of my awesome memories as a child up to today! Thank you for giving me so many beautiful nieces and nephews!

Greg & Marcie- I love you both dearly, and I am so thankful you are a part of my life! Greggie, remember all the fun times we had as kids.. you, me and Audi. Good times! I love you!

My brothers- Euey & Gary you two mean so much to me. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Granny- Even though you have passed on, I feel the desire to tell you how much you mean to me. I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye grams. I wanted to be there, but time would not allow. I know you know how much i loved you! Thank you for all the goofy times we had with you as kids. Thank you for the card games, taking us to Berlin, all the stories and late night snacks, putting up with me and Audie while we fought and acted crazy... you are truly missed, and i hope to see you in eternity!

All my neices and nephews- Greg, Mike, Matt, Nate, Gene, Chloey, Kayla, Chris, Cindy, Anthony, Brandon, Ethan, Kaylieb, Dominique, Amber, Nona, Louie, Amanda, Hope, Joey, Jake, Kendall.... Each one of you are so special to me. You are all unique, and have individual qualities. I love you all so much with all my heart, and I am so proud to be your Aunt! I have so many awesome memories because of each of you!

Angie S.- Thank you for our special on and off line friendship! I love you!

Karen and Dom- You guys mean so much to me! We were awesome study buddies, and I miss being in class with you two! I am so thankful we have become so much more than just study partners, we have become friends. I love you guys and look forward to our friendship growing as time goes on!

Shannon & Ryan- you guys were our first good friends in Michigan. We love you guys so much, and always enjoy spending time with you both and the boys! We definitely don't get together enough! You two are awesome, and you have a beautiful family! I love you!

Jen s. , Steph, Michelle, Keleigh, Polly, Shannon, Kathy, Anita,Mary-Joe & Jerry, Angie, Bob, Janelle,Heather, Andrea B, Jackie, Amy, Bonnie, Chris T., Wayne, Rose & A.J, Mr and Mrs. Korb. And all those i have mistakenly forgotten...
~I want to thank you all for the special place you have in my heart. You have all been a large part of my life at some point or another, and have contributed to my memories and have a huge part in who i am today!

My Second Scare With Cancer

About a year ago, my mom went for a routine colon oscopy. She was so nervous, especially since this was the first time she had gone for this test. My sister and I assured her everything would be ok, and sincerely believed this to be true. When the results came in, the doctors office told my mom they needed her to come in, verses giving her the results over the phone. When i heard this, my heart sunk. I immediately knew something was wrong. My sister and Nick believed things were still ok, and told me not to be upset. But i knew otherwise in my heart. My sister and I went with my mom to get the results of the test. When the doctor came in, he immediately said he had bad news. Again, those words were spoken, "you have cancer"! Shock and fear ran through all our veins! We got all the information we needed from the doctor and left the office. Mom broke down emotionally as we left the building. My heart broke for her. She had stage 2 colon cancer! My mom!! A roller coaster of emotions followed for the next few months prior to surgery. I doubted God. I wondered if He would allow me to enjoy my mom for years to come, or if this was it. I grieved for her, so much... Here was this woman who just two years prior made the most difficult transition in her life by leaving everything behind in PA to come to Michigan and start a new life. For once she experienced freedom and hope, and now she was possibly loosing it all!
Good things came out of this trial as well. My faith was strengthened. My understanding of Gods goodness was refreshed in a new way. He took care of my mom. I even had a renewed sense of appreciation for my mom, we we share a closeness that didn't quite exist before. God is so good to us! I know that even if He chose to take my mom a year ago, i would have mourned, no doubt. I would have experienced a new set of fears, doubts, and numerous other emotions as i dealt with the pain of loosing my momma. However, I know and believe in my heart that God's grace and love would have abounded in those moments as well! I am not alone in this life, for He promises to never leave me or forsake me!
~John 16:33 In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

MY FIRST SCARE WITH CANCER

My first very real scare with cancer came just six years ago when my brother-in-law was diagnosed with throat cancer at the age of 37. Wow... such a young age, with three young boys still at home. My first response was utter shock as i listened to the words of my sister say those words, " Paul has cancer"! My heat broke for her and her family. What would their future be? Would they make it through this? The cancer was removed successfully, and the next five years were followed by fear and doubt of the unknown. Thankfully, Paul remains cancer free to this day, and they have managed to pick up the pieces of their broken world and move forward in their lives. God is good!

PART TWO OF MY JOURNEY

God is so good! When i was around the age of 17, God began to work in my life through my two best friends. As i stated previously, i was on a search for fulfillment, but i was obviously looking in the wrong places. I began going to a evangelical christian church with a friend, and it was here that God began to work in my heart and life. I started attending a weekly bible study, where i was faced with the question of eternal security. I knew i was a sinner, unable to be good enough to get to heaven on my own. What i didn't know was that God had provided a way to heaven for me by sending his son Jesus to die on the cross, paying the penalty for all the wrong i had done. I wrestled with this truth for several years, so badly wanting forgiveness of my sin and the assurance that i would spend eternity in heaven one day. I kept reading that all i needed to do was place my faith in Jesus, trusting that His death on the cross was able to wash my wrongs away. All i had to do was confess, ask forgiveness, and believe i had that forgiveness. I wrestled with my faith for years, and finally came to the place where i placed my trust in Him. My faith was not imensely strong... However, it is not the amount of faith that saves an individual, but the object or person in whom they place that faith in. Through that realization, God brought tremendous security to my heart. I now knew my sins were forgiven. Thank you Father!!

Part One of My Journey

There was a time when merely existing in this world was a scary thing. So many fears and anxieties consumed my every thought. Past experiences and their effects wrecked havoc in my life. Facing these unruly emotions was not possible then. Running seemed like the only option. I attempted to squash the pain, guilt, fear, and anxiety i felt in numerous ways, although none were productive, nor beneficial. Life seemed hopeless... bleak... I felt unlovable, alone... I saught security, love and acceptance in relationships, which i soon found was utterly impossible. How could one sinful human being truly and wholeheartedly satisfy another. Where was I to turn? Was there any hope? How could i go on living a life so full of emptiness, pain, and regret?

Some of MyTreasured "Quotes"

" I am attracted to people of substance who influence me and make me a better person."

"Success should be measured not so much by the the position one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed."

"There is no limitation to forgiveness; no injury so gross that is ought not be forgiven."

"One has no right to say of any good work that it is too hard to do; or of any misfortune that it is too hard to bear; or of any sinful habit that it is too hard to overcome. To do so is to admit defeat, and to lose by default. Help is always available."

My Journey Thus Far

My life thus far has not always been easy. Life has been full of ups and downs, disappointments, losses, fears, trials, anxieties and the like. However, this is the beginning of my story, and how God has not only brought me through these difficult experiences, but through them has taught me many things, and molded me into the person i am today. To Him i am truly grateful. Thank you Father!!