We Need A Maid!!!!!

OK, so I've never been the type to let my house accumulate messes, however, since I've began working full time again, I'm much less inclined to fuss over our messy house like i used to. Sad to say, our house is trashed by my standards. Several little piles of laundry are gathered in various places around the house. Dishes in the sink, etc...... yuck!!! Those of you who know me well have an idea how out of my character this is!!! I just lack the motivation to clean up when i get home from work. I'm just plain tired. Nick and I take turns cooking dinner and he has begun to help out with house hold duties, but.... we both work a lot, so we both lack motivation to keep the house tidy! The good news is, once i begin school in the fall I will be home more so i anticipate the return of my OCD!! Yea, a clean house again!! Wooohoooo!!

Our Pre-Anniversary Celebration

Well, yesterday was a really fun day. Nick and I slept in a bit and spent the morning together. We later went to the beach at lake Charlevoix and had a picnic, swam,hung out on the raft and took the wave runner out. We took a little break from the beach to walk through the town and get some DQ. We went to night church and then stopped to pick up some pizzas and soda, came home and watched a movie while we grubbed. Then we went off to bed! It was a very special day together!

A New Day

OK, so today I woke up a little gloomy, but... The day turned out pretty well. I am home now, just ate some popcorn and diet mountain dew for dinner, and here I am.

Nick and I are celebrating our anniversary on Sunday. Our real anniversary is July 4th, however, because we are both working that day, we decided to celebrate our church wedding day instead, which is June 24 and falls on Sunday, a day which we both have off work! So we are going to spend the whole day together!!! I'm very excited. We are celebrating 8 years together! Times have been full of many ups and downs, but here we are almost eight years and still married! No marriage is easy or near perfect, and i am so thankful to see we have made it this far still together. This past year has been the most challenging to say the least, and we made it! Thank you God!!

Even though we see each other every night, it's not enough. I miss him so much, and just wish we could hibernate on a private island for a few weeks, just holding each other all day. I know, not gonna happen! But i can dream right? I am so excited for our Costa Rica vacation in December. Two whole weeks with no work, cleaning, etc.. Just fun in the sun! We even have a maid for the two weeks! SWEETNESS!!

Just waiting for hubs to come home so we can spend some time before bed. We have been getting to bed entirely too late these days, and its catching up with us more and more. Hopefully tonight we can catch some quality ZZZ's.
Anywho, that's all for now folks!

This blog is beginning to function like my journal. The only time I ever seem to write in my journal is when i feel down, or something important in my life is taking place.

My days have been consumed more and more with disheartening emotions. Many things run through my mind. Today was a crazy day. Work was somewhat slow, allowing time for "extra" thinking, which is not always a good thing. As i sit here writing, I'm listening to the sound of thunder, and the rain lightly hitting the leaves on the trees. It's unusually dark outside. Our home is quiet tonight. Nick is out with a friend golfing, so it's just me and the pups.

I feel sad today. Not quite sure why. I could peg the blame for these emotions on many things in my life, but nothing was different today than a few days ago, and i felt fine then. Emotions... difficult to figure out at times, and rather deceiving.

Well.... In all circumstances I will choose not to focus on negativity, and will instead seek to make the remainder of my day productive.

The Fight On Sunday Mornings

Sunday mornings can be such a battle! There are definitely times when getting ready for church and making it there is a joy. But... more often than not, Its a conscious effort. I realize now how much easier it was to go when we were involved in various ministries. I felt so connected to the people there. Since we have stepped down for various reasons, it has become immensely difficult. We are still going, however, the desire to ditch has become more intense. I recognize we as Christians are continuously at war with our sinful desires, along with the enemy. Here is a great verse to help battle these times!
~1Corinthians 10:3-5
For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

A Little Revelation

Sometimes I think we as Christians live as though we are poverty stricken spiritually. Although we have inherited the riches of grace, forgiveness, victory over sin, worry, fear, doubt, condemnation, sanctification etc.. we continue to live as though we had not. I know for myself, I claim to believe Gods word. I claim Jesus as my savior, and God as my father. I claim to be forgiven. I claim victory in the cross. I claim eternity as my future home. More often than not, all the while living as though I have none of these things. Its so easy to allow our fluctuating emotions and circumstances to dominate our thinking, thus, controlling our actions and course of life. Why is it so difficult to live by faith in God's word, His promises, laying aside our thoughts, feelings, and ambitions? Last night, while talking with nick, he challenged us to begin living in God's promises daily. He said, "God tells us we are free, lets live like we are free". What a simple, yet wise statement! Even though our emotions and our minds scream at us differently, lets live in Christs promises. I am forgiven in Christ. Shall I not live as forgiven? I am righteous in Christ. Shall I not live as righteous? I am accepted by God in Christ. Shall I not live as accepted? I am blameless and holy in Christ. Shall I not live as though i am blameless and holy in Gods sight? There is so much freedom in these truths. I have known these truths for many years, but for some reason, never grasping the concept that if i neglect to consciously live by them daily, my life will be affected negatively. I have realized that the enemy has the ability to prey on my emotions and penetrate my thoughts, and when i become infiltrated by his lies, i become ineffective in my walk with the lord and paralyzed in my life, unable to move forward. If i meditate on Gods words, His promises, it doesn't matter how i feel, or what my circumstances are. God's promises still stand. His truths are secure. That is what it means to put the armor of God on! If i train my mind to relish in God's promises, my heart will be guarded against my fear, worry, etc.. I just thought this was worth sharing. It encourages me huge! I hope it does the same for you!

EVEN DURING THE DARK TIMES

This past year has definitely been a challenge both emotionally and spiritually. Those of you who are close to me know of which situation in particular I am referring to. During this time I faced many emotions including anger, resentment, sorrow, loss, anxiety, betrayal, doubt, and fear to name a few. At first I was unsure of how to handle things. I questioned Gods love for me, and his desire to protect me. I felt very alone. However, I quickly recovered from these debilitating emotions, and saw a faint hope in the distance. As I worked through these emotions, claiming their presence in my heart, talking to the Lord, and seeking counsel from others, God began to heal my heart and my circumstances. God has been so good to me. I went through a period of paranoia, where I felt like the bottom of my life was going to drop out all together.. I saw only darkness. Thanks be to God that he lifted me out of that pit of despair and once again showered his love upon me, drawing me back to himself, and taking that crappy situation and bringing much good out of it. My faith has been strengthened in that I have seen God work in my life in many past situations and I now have confidence that he will bring me through future trials. I am by no means claiming complete victory over this situation as of yet. I am, however, claiming full victory over this trial over time, after much needed healing.I am claiming victory over the future trials I will face down the road. For I know i will not be facing them alone!
~ A big thanks to those of you who have walked with me through this troublesome time in my life.

The Burden of Infertility

Many people can relate to this topic, for i know i do not walk this road individually. Infertility... something i never dreamed of facing. I always took for granted the ability to become pregnant, thinking it would be easy and natural.
~ We tried to conceive throughout the first few years of marriage always ending with the same result.. no baby! We attributed our unsuccessfulness to wrong timing. We never really tried wholeheartedly to become pregnant until about three years ago. After being unsuccessful for several months, we began to question our ability to become pregnant. We sought help from my OBGYN, hoping to hear everything was ok. My doctor ordered some tests, after which i was told i was not ovulating. He immediately put me on clomid for six months. He believed my problem was minimal, and assured us not to worry, that we would be pregnant within three to five months. Well, the six months was over, and still no baby. He referred us to a specialists in Grand Rapids. I didn't feel ready to see a specialist, after all, we had only been trying this medication for six months. I felt rushed, as though he was pushing us into infertility treatments that may not be necessary. I chose to get a second opinion from a doctor in Traverse City. A few people i knew had seen doctors at that practice, and had become pregnant after trying the medication glucophage for six months. I requested to be put on that medication, just to see if it would work. He seemed to think it would not work, since this medication worked similar to clomid. Well, after trying the second medication and still no baby, we decided to go to the doctor in grand rapids. I was so afraid of what i might hear regarding our ability to conceive. The good news was that i have plenty of eggs, twice the amount most women have. The bad news; because i have so many eggs, my brain will not allow my body to ovulate because the result could be an ovulation of over 12 eggs. Crazy... So our options were presented to us: continue with light infertility medications, try heavy infertility meds, or do IVF. We were cautioned not to dabble with the heavy medications due to my overabundance of eggs because my doctor would be unable to control how many eggs my body would release. So basically we could do IVF, or wait for the possibility that my body would eventually decrease the amount of eggs i have, and i could become pregnant naturally. All this new information was too much to bear. Nick and I both had ethical issues with IVF. I was an emotional mess. We decided to back away from the infertility treatments for a while. Who knows what the future holds for us. Throughout this whole process our prayer was that God would bless us with a beautiful, healthy little baby. We also prayed that his will be done, and that he would give us a heart to accept his will, whatever that may be. We are still praying that prayer today!

Thanks To All Who Have Made A Difference In My Life

God Our Father- Thank you for all your grace and love towards me, though I am undeserving. Thank you for who you are! Father, I love you!

Jesus My Savior- Thank you for enduring the cross to pay my debt! I can't thank you enough! Thank you!

Momma J- I know you think you let all your children down by exposing us to the life we lived as children, and for all the mistakes you made as a parent and a person. But... my experiences growing up have made me the person I am today. I have learned so much from you momma. More good has come out of everything than you can imagine. No one could ever replace the space you occupy in my heart. I love you always.
~your baby

Daddy- Although i don't understand all you are, and all you have done, I thank you for doing the best you could as my father. I have many special memories from childhood, and I thank you for adding to my treasured memories.

Nick- We have been through a lot together, and through it all, you remain my most treasured friend!

Jen P.- Thank you for always being there for me! I treasure the special friendship we share. I love how God brought us together when we both needed each other most in life. You are a special blessing to me, and i thank you for all you do!

Dwight and Connie- Thank you for taking me under your wing when i first came into the church. The love and support you showered upon me more than got me through that period of my life! I love you both!

Audie- you have been my best friend since childhood. We are so different in so many ways, and at the same time so alike. I love you more than ever! You truly are an amazing sister and friend.

Audie & Dave- Together you both are so amazing! I am so thankful for how you two have pulled together to be there for Nick and I over the past few years. I love you guys!

Mellie-My sister.. My friend. We are soooo alike Mel. Thank you for all the laughs and crazy times we share. Thank you for being there for Audi and I as kids. You have no idea the impact you have made in my life! You are an amazing mother, sister, and friend. I love you with all my heart!

Val- Dori!! Gosh Val, where to begin! Thank you for being you! You have been through so much in your life, and yet you made it through! I love you so much, and I'm so thankful you are my big sister! You have contributed to so many of my awesome memories as a child up to today! Thank you for giving me so many beautiful nieces and nephews!

Greg & Marcie- I love you both dearly, and I am so thankful you are a part of my life! Greggie, remember all the fun times we had as kids.. you, me and Audi. Good times! I love you!

My brothers- Euey & Gary you two mean so much to me. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Granny- Even though you have passed on, I feel the desire to tell you how much you mean to me. I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye grams. I wanted to be there, but time would not allow. I know you know how much i loved you! Thank you for all the goofy times we had with you as kids. Thank you for the card games, taking us to Berlin, all the stories and late night snacks, putting up with me and Audie while we fought and acted crazy... you are truly missed, and i hope to see you in eternity!

All my neices and nephews- Greg, Mike, Matt, Nate, Gene, Chloey, Kayla, Chris, Cindy, Anthony, Brandon, Ethan, Kaylieb, Dominique, Amber, Nona, Louie, Amanda, Hope, Joey, Jake, Kendall.... Each one of you are so special to me. You are all unique, and have individual qualities. I love you all so much with all my heart, and I am so proud to be your Aunt! I have so many awesome memories because of each of you!

Angie S.- Thank you for our special on and off line friendship! I love you!

Karen and Dom- You guys mean so much to me! We were awesome study buddies, and I miss being in class with you two! I am so thankful we have become so much more than just study partners, we have become friends. I love you guys and look forward to our friendship growing as time goes on!

Shannon & Ryan- you guys were our first good friends in Michigan. We love you guys so much, and always enjoy spending time with you both and the boys! We definitely don't get together enough! You two are awesome, and you have a beautiful family! I love you!

Jen s. , Steph, Michelle, Keleigh, Polly, Shannon, Kathy, Anita,Mary-Joe & Jerry, Angie, Bob, Janelle,Heather, Andrea B, Jackie, Amy, Bonnie, Chris T., Wayne, Rose & A.J, Mr and Mrs. Korb. And all those i have mistakenly forgotten...
~I want to thank you all for the special place you have in my heart. You have all been a large part of my life at some point or another, and have contributed to my memories and have a huge part in who i am today!

My Second Scare With Cancer

About a year ago, my mom went for a routine colon oscopy. She was so nervous, especially since this was the first time she had gone for this test. My sister and I assured her everything would be ok, and sincerely believed this to be true. When the results came in, the doctors office told my mom they needed her to come in, verses giving her the results over the phone. When i heard this, my heart sunk. I immediately knew something was wrong. My sister and Nick believed things were still ok, and told me not to be upset. But i knew otherwise in my heart. My sister and I went with my mom to get the results of the test. When the doctor came in, he immediately said he had bad news. Again, those words were spoken, "you have cancer"! Shock and fear ran through all our veins! We got all the information we needed from the doctor and left the office. Mom broke down emotionally as we left the building. My heart broke for her. She had stage 2 colon cancer! My mom!! A roller coaster of emotions followed for the next few months prior to surgery. I doubted God. I wondered if He would allow me to enjoy my mom for years to come, or if this was it. I grieved for her, so much... Here was this woman who just two years prior made the most difficult transition in her life by leaving everything behind in PA to come to Michigan and start a new life. For once she experienced freedom and hope, and now she was possibly loosing it all!
Good things came out of this trial as well. My faith was strengthened. My understanding of Gods goodness was refreshed in a new way. He took care of my mom. I even had a renewed sense of appreciation for my mom, we we share a closeness that didn't quite exist before. God is so good to us! I know that even if He chose to take my mom a year ago, i would have mourned, no doubt. I would have experienced a new set of fears, doubts, and numerous other emotions as i dealt with the pain of loosing my momma. However, I know and believe in my heart that God's grace and love would have abounded in those moments as well! I am not alone in this life, for He promises to never leave me or forsake me!
~John 16:33 In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

MY FIRST SCARE WITH CANCER

My first very real scare with cancer came just six years ago when my brother-in-law was diagnosed with throat cancer at the age of 37. Wow... such a young age, with three young boys still at home. My first response was utter shock as i listened to the words of my sister say those words, " Paul has cancer"! My heat broke for her and her family. What would their future be? Would they make it through this? The cancer was removed successfully, and the next five years were followed by fear and doubt of the unknown. Thankfully, Paul remains cancer free to this day, and they have managed to pick up the pieces of their broken world and move forward in their lives. God is good!

PART TWO OF MY JOURNEY

God is so good! When i was around the age of 17, God began to work in my life through my two best friends. As i stated previously, i was on a search for fulfillment, but i was obviously looking in the wrong places. I began going to a evangelical christian church with a friend, and it was here that God began to work in my heart and life. I started attending a weekly bible study, where i was faced with the question of eternal security. I knew i was a sinner, unable to be good enough to get to heaven on my own. What i didn't know was that God had provided a way to heaven for me by sending his son Jesus to die on the cross, paying the penalty for all the wrong i had done. I wrestled with this truth for several years, so badly wanting forgiveness of my sin and the assurance that i would spend eternity in heaven one day. I kept reading that all i needed to do was place my faith in Jesus, trusting that His death on the cross was able to wash my wrongs away. All i had to do was confess, ask forgiveness, and believe i had that forgiveness. I wrestled with my faith for years, and finally came to the place where i placed my trust in Him. My faith was not imensely strong... However, it is not the amount of faith that saves an individual, but the object or person in whom they place that faith in. Through that realization, God brought tremendous security to my heart. I now knew my sins were forgiven. Thank you Father!!

Part One of My Journey

There was a time when merely existing in this world was a scary thing. So many fears and anxieties consumed my every thought. Past experiences and their effects wrecked havoc in my life. Facing these unruly emotions was not possible then. Running seemed like the only option. I attempted to squash the pain, guilt, fear, and anxiety i felt in numerous ways, although none were productive, nor beneficial. Life seemed hopeless... bleak... I felt unlovable, alone... I saught security, love and acceptance in relationships, which i soon found was utterly impossible. How could one sinful human being truly and wholeheartedly satisfy another. Where was I to turn? Was there any hope? How could i go on living a life so full of emptiness, pain, and regret?

Some of MyTreasured "Quotes"

" I am attracted to people of substance who influence me and make me a better person."

"Success should be measured not so much by the the position one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed."

"There is no limitation to forgiveness; no injury so gross that is ought not be forgiven."

"One has no right to say of any good work that it is too hard to do; or of any misfortune that it is too hard to bear; or of any sinful habit that it is too hard to overcome. To do so is to admit defeat, and to lose by default. Help is always available."

My Journey Thus Far

My life thus far has not always been easy. Life has been full of ups and downs, disappointments, losses, fears, trials, anxieties and the like. However, this is the beginning of my story, and how God has not only brought me through these difficult experiences, but through them has taught me many things, and molded me into the person i am today. To Him i am truly grateful. Thank you Father!!